If you’ve lived in a plus-size body, you know the look.
It’s that flicker across someone’s face when you order dessert. The quick scan of your
grocery cart. The raised eyebrow when you take the last croissant in the meeting room.
Sometimes it’s pity. Sometimes it’s judgment. Sometimes it’s smug superiority.
And here’s the kicker: it often says more than words ever could.
The Weight of the Look
The look doesn’t just land on your skin — it burrows deeper. It whispers, You shouldn’t
eat that. It shouts, You don’t belong here. And suddenly, what should have been a joyful
dinner with friends turns into a performance of carefully measured bites and self-
conscious laughter.
It’s exhausting.
It’s dehumanizing.
And it’s invisible to anyone who’s never been on the receiving end.
I was recently telling a new acquaintance about my plans to write this blog and he was
flabbergasted. He said, “People don’t actually do that, do they?” Yeah, it was blatantly
obvious that he has never carried even the tiniest bit of excess weight.
The Emotional Labor of Existing
Here’s the raw truth: plus-size women carry not just the weight of our bodies, but the
emotional labor of constantly anticipating judgment. Of being hyper-aware of how we sit
in a chair, how much space we take on a subway, how often we reach for seconds at
the buffet.
It’s like living with an internal spotlight that never switches off. Not because we asked for
it — but because society won’t stop turning it on.
Reclaiming Power from Silent Shaming
But here’s where the story turns.
Every time the look tries to shrink me, I remind myself: I am not an object for someone
else’s silent commentary. My worth is not tethered to a number on a scale or to the
fleeting expressions of strangers.
I am more. You are more. We are so much more.
Our lives are measured not in pounds, but in the laughter we share, the love we give,
the brilliance we bring to the table. That’s the truth that no sideways glance can ever
erase.
So the next time you catch “the look,” take a breath. Lift your chin. And remember: the
only gaze that truly matters is the one you cast inward, when you see yourself as
worthy, radiant, and unapologetically whole.
And, if you just want to have just a bit of fun, do what I did one time. When you get the
look, glide your hands down your body, pat your belly, and say, “Yep, this beauty takes a
lot of effort to stay this fabulous.” Then, just walk off. Believe me, it will leave them
speechless! And, you can go about your business with a chuckle and a smile!
